Thursday, April 12, 2012

Nothing in Particular

So I haven't been blogging much.  It's not for lack of anything to say.  The few of you who know me elsewhere online probably privately lament my excess of "anything to say" on a regular basis.  I'm just not a very good self-starter.  In other words, I stare at this blank box in which I'm typing and think, "I have no idea what to say."  Whereas elsewhere on line I don't have a blank box waiting for me to impress my will upon it.  I have people saying things to which I respond.  Wow, was that wordy or what?  I guess I'm the family thesaurus for good reason.

Anyway, I finally have something to say without a prompt so here goes: This blog is entitled "Nothing in Particular."  In the beginning it was called that because I was just looking for a nice quiet place to keep track of what the children were learning and doing.  It didn't need a fancy-schmancy title because it was for me to chronicle our unschooling journey for myself.  But I wasn't terribly good at the chronicling thing because I'm a crappy scribe.  And because I was too busy DOING unschooling to record unschooling.

Doing nothing in particular
But the more I think about it, the more "Nothing in Particular" seems like a pretty good title for an unschooling blog.  That's a lot of what our unschooling life is: nothing in particular.  I don't mean "doing nothing" as in sitting around staring at the ceiling and drooling.  I don't even mean "doing nothing" as in sitting around staring at the television and drooling.  We do a little of this, a little of that.  Nothing in PARTICULAR but a lot of anything.

Today we worked on a jigsaw puzzle for a little bit until we all three simultaneously realized that we had been sitting there staring at pieces for like 5 minutes and drooling.  So we got up and did something else.  Shan went to surf the net for new webcomics while Mindie and I watched a really lame horror movie and kept asking each other, "What the heck?  Huh?"  Then Mindie popped in some "My Little Pony" while Shan played Minecraft and I watched Deep Space Nine and conquered the galaxy in Master of Orion II.  We got back together to make dinner.  Then Mindie watched more "My Little Pony" and I tortured Shannen with Weird Al videos on YouTube and we talked about the pop culture that was being commented upon and parodied by the videos.

It was a "nothing in particular" sort of a day.  Most days are like that now and we are all fine with it.  Every once in a while Mindie still comes in to me and stands there, slack-jawed and drooling, waiting for something to dance.  It's not boredom, it's a need to be around other people.  I usually drop what I'm doing and do something with her for a while, but nothing in particular.  Today when she needed to reconnect with the human race I chased her through the house for a while (why yes, I *am* three years old - thanks for asking), poked her with a giant poking finger on a stick a big, then led her away to do some kitchen science.    It wasn't anything special, nothing in particular really; just fooling around with ice and salt and water of different temperatures.  But it satisfied her needs and allowed her to re-energize for doing what she wanted to do with her day.

Don't you want to smell this flower?
When you're doing nothing in particular, it leaves you open to possibilities.  If a passing butterfly catches your interest you might follow it and discover a new plant which might make you want to start a garden which might lead to cooking with fresh vegetables from said garden which might lead to a career as a world-renown chef and television personality.  Or maybe not.  But when your day is packed with a schedule and curriculum and to-do lists and things in particular you can't follow the butterfly and then you'll never know if maybe you were born to be the next Emeril Lagasse.  Walter Hagen put it well when he said, "You're only here for a short visit.  Don't hurry.  Don't worry.  And be sure to smell the flowers along the way."

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

How my children learned to read

I'm not going to spotlight each of my girls individually because as different as the two of them are, their learning to read stories are remarkably similar.

I'm a reader.  Always have been.  I loved books well before I could read them.  One of my favorite series as a toddler was "Bug Ugh!" as I called it.  The rest of the world called them "Blue Bug" by Virginia Poulet (link here to them on Amazon).  I was also quite in love with Professor Wormbog which you probably recognize as "Little Critter but without the critter!"  When I was 3ish, my older sisters took it upon themselves to teach me to read.  Our "curriculum" was a book entitled "Bambi Grows Up" and our edition was a SCRATCH N SNIFF version (aside: to this day artificial pine smells make me shudder due to the extreme amount of time I spent that year with pine scratch and sniff stickers in that stupid book).  It took them some time, due in no small part to my stubbornness but eventually I learned to read.  By kindergarten I was reading so well that during reading class time I got to go, with the other "reader" in our class, to the principal's office and read to her.  This was a great honor, though one I did not share with my parents willingly.  You see, I could read but this was a SECRET from the people who had given birth to me right up until my enthusiastic young teacher spilled the beans during a parent-teacher conference about my standardized test scores.  My mother argued with the poor woman that no, I most certainly did NOT know how to read when I started kindergarten.  That night I got a stern lecture and was asked WHY I hadn't shared the joyous news with the people who gave me life.  My simple answer was, "Because you wouldn't read to me anymore if I could read myself."  For the record, my bedtime stories lasted until *I* asked to give them up in 3rd grade because I had realized that I could read much faster on my own.

I tell you all this to give you some indication of my own attitudes toward reading.  In short, I LOVE reading.  I do it well.  I do it often.  And I do it quickly.

So fast forward with me, if you will, to a 19-year-old mother-to-be (me) confined to bed a large portion of the time.  What might such a young woman do?  What I did was read "The Green Mile" to the sweet pea inside me.  Maybe my choice of reading material left something to be desired but I was reading to a child I firmly believed had little concept of language but was utterly responsive to my speaking to her.  And I wasn't the only book nut in this aspiring little family.  The day I announced my pregnancy, my husband zoomed out to the used book store to pick up for her a copy of "A Wrinkle in Time."  Yep, baby's first gift was a book and it was a book of adventures in quantum physics.  By this time one of my sisters was an elementary school teacher and was the reading program coordinator for her school (a voluntary position that she conducted in her "off-hours").  She lavished her new niece with books.  My in-laws pulled just about every Little Golden Book ever written out of storage for their impending grandchild.

Clearly, this child came into the world with some reading advantages.  On both sides of her family was a culture of reading.  She was surrounded by books and by people who wanted to read those books to her.  When we weren't reading books to her, my father-in-law was regaling her with the newspaper.

Eighteen months later this future-book-lover had a sister who was just as lavished with books and readers.  If the books weren't enough, there were the audio books.  Does anybody else remember those red cassette tapes from Disney that came with books and had a chime when it was time to turn the page?  Yeah, my in-laws had saved all of those.  My parents pulled out their copies of the LP versions of them including the immortal "Johnny Fedora and Alice Blue Bonnet" accompanied by a book.  The hubs and I were a little more high-tech about things.  We were early adopters of the LeapFrog systems and went through several.

But in spite of all this reading that was going on, there was never any organized or systematic attempt to teach the girls to read.  We never had a "Letter of the Day."  Nobody coached them to "sound it out."  Just people reading books with fingers under words, chimes at the end of pages, and their very own electronic pens to run under the words of the books that LeapFrog read to them.  By age 4 both were reading on their own, long before it occurred to me that maybe I should teach them to recognize letters, much less teach them to READ.  At first I thought they were doing what kids do, reciting words to stories they had memorized.  So I bought new books and darned if they didn't read them to me.  Fingers running under the words, they meticulously pronounced each word, stumbling occasionally at new words.  Their sight reading list was amazing.  In fact, those same words that my girls were recognizing on sight at 3 and 4 kept turning up on homework "sight lists" well into the 3rd grade.

If they could do all that just by sight, I imagined great glory in their future if only they knew phonics to go with it.  I set out to teach them phonics.  I can't say I was terribly good at it.  Yes, I'm the one that once aspired to be a teacher.  In my defense, I intended to teach DRAMA to HIGH SCHOOL students.  Regardless, the girls' reading progress slowed to a crawl.  So I stopped teaching phonics.  I just left it alone and let them go to kindergarten.  Maybe a trained professional could teach them to read "properly."

Early in the year that Mindie started kindy the school performed reading assessments just to get a feel for where each student was at and to facilitate their Accelerated Reader program.  Mindie, it seems, was in fact reading at a low 3rd grade level.  Unfortunately, the school's AR program wasn't designed for that.  Schools are allowed to run AR any way they see fit and the way our school saw fit was in the first few grades to restrict students to only reading "grade appropriate" books.  The kid was reading at a 3rd grade level by the  school's own admission but was only "allowed" to read and test on kindergarten level books for AR points. Mindie was frustrated.  The solution was so simple.  She was required to get a certain number of AR points per six weeks.  It took her about a week to get them.  For the next 5 weeks she gained no more AR points, checked no more books out of the school library.  Instead she read books of her own choosing from the public library or our private library.  Then a new six weeks began and the process repeated.

We did this for both girls for the next five years.  They read what they HAD to read for school and then they read what they wanted to read.  Alas, it wasn't good enough.  I watched as both girls' interest in reading dwindled to nil.  That was probably the third most heart-wrenching experience of my life, watching my children's love of reading die.

The good news is that eventually in 5th grade they got a teacher who recognized what was happening.  She stopped limiting their selection and let them read what they wanted.  By this point both girls were, according to the tests, reading at an 11th or 12th grade level.  Mindie's still not much of a reader though it has rekindled somewhat for her.  Shannen is an avid reader and it's difficult to find her without a book.  Freedom restored, their love grew again.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Curse ye, Woodchuck! and other dirty things

So it seems like the content in our house has been getting raunchier and raunchier.  Back during the big Christmas Roadtrip of 2011 we were listening to a fascinating audio documentary about life in the Puritan settlements of British America.  Apparently church was an all-day affair and this posed the same problems then that it does today.  The Puritan churches had their own unique way of dealing with those problems and had lay members assigned to wake up people who nodded off during the services.  The narrator read a diary entry from an early settler which recounted a certain member of the church who nodded off during a Sunday service. When the "waker-uppers" gave him a none-too-gentle nudge with a long stick (which was apparently the traditional way of keeping members awake) the man leaped to his feet shouting "Curse ye, Woodchuck!"  Despite attempts to deny sleeping, I think he gave away his dream state a bit.  The fam cracked up at this anecdote and "Curse ye, Woodchuck!" has become our new swear phrase.  So instead of hearing my children mutter or holler the usual "darn it!" my house now rings with people cursing small rodents.

On another note, Shannen has reluctantly admitted that she's growing up, a fact which inspires much dread in her thanks to her fear of change.  As evidence of this inevitable status, she's now playing online dating simulation games.  Not dirty or even risque ones.  Just the sweet, innocent sort where there's a damsel in some sort of distress who comes in contact with a variety of males and is faced with the choice of which one to build a relationship with as the adventure progresses and in the end is confronted with choosing to marry one.  It's been interesting to see her take, as well as Mindie's take, on which choices to make.  Each has her own particular style and preference.  Mindie tends to go for the best friend.  Shannen opts for the character that sacrifices the most for her character.  Neither like the pushy characters that constantly declare their undying love.

Evidence of this "growing up" is also appearing in our conversations lately.  I've had to answer some of the most awkward questions lately.  Everything from "how EXACTLY do gay people have sex?" to "What's a brothel?" and "what are people like when they're drunk?"  I'm glad that my girls are comfortable enough to come to me with these questions but I hate answering them.  Their father is just glad they never ask HIM stuff like that and has flatly stated that if they ever do, he'll be referring them to me.  I feel so loved.  Every time I think we've gotten the most uncomfortable possible questions out of the way, they come up with a surprise for me.

It's extra uncomfortable because I *never* had conversations like that with my parents so I have no frame of reference for how to answer even the most basic of questions.  Beyond a 5 minute conversation with my older sister when I was 8 where she related the mechanics of sex as "the guy gets on top of you and puts his THING inside you and then it's like he pees in you," which left me thinking it was all a terrible joke she was playing on me (helped somewhat by the fact that this wasn't the most remarkable or outlandish lie she had ever told to get a reaction out of me), I'm entirely self-taught in the realm of adult actions.  Not that my education was lacking.  Our county library was more than helpful.  But reading psychology and anatomy books isn't exactly great for preparing me to answer these questions.  Heck, I was 17 before I figured out how to pronounce one of the pieces of female anatomy that was often overlooked in the anatomy books but seemed to feature prominently in the raunchier psychology books (thanks, Nancy Friday, for the education...)

Hopefully things will settle down soon and we can go back to a peaceful coexistence that doesn't feature discussions of genitalia or mind-altering substances.  I like zombies.  Can't we just talk about a diet that's high in gray matter??

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Me through the eyes of my daughters

1. What is something that your mom always says to you? (both are true)


Mindie: "Hi" in a creepy voice randomly wandering in


Shannen: You always tell me "Did you know that I love you?"


2. What makes mom happy? (honestly, I don't care that much whether they clean except when things are nasty - and even then it makes their dad much happier than their mom)


Mindie: Getting to bake.  When we clean. Embarrassing us in public.


Shannen: When my room is clean.


3. What makes mom sad? (again with the cleaning - I think this needs work in our relationship.  Also, it doesn't make me sad when they don't HELP with dinner, but I do get lonely in the kitchen because it's very isolated, so I enjoy their COMPANY when I make dinner.  Apparently that's something I need to clarify through actions to them)


Mindie: When we don't clean and when we lie and when the car doesn't work.  Actually, that's more like what makes you mad.


Shannen: When we don't help her with dinner.


4.What makes your mom laugh? 


Mindie: The dog. The Interwebz.  When Shannen burps.

Shannen: Embarrassing stuff that we do.



5. What was your mom like as a child? (I try not to talk about my childhood too much because it wasn't pleasant or healthy.  Maybe I should try to find at least SOME things to tell them, though)


Mindie: (whining) I don't knooooooow.


Shannen: (whining) I don't knooooooow.


6. How old is your mom? (I'm 34)


Mindie: Like 33, 34, 35.  Somewhere in there.


Shannen: I believe 33 or 34.  Maybe 35.


7. How tall is your mom? (I'm 5'7".  And yes, Shannen IS taller than me)


Mindie: Well, you're about as tall as me so like 5'5"


Shannen: Well I'm taller than her so I assume 5'4" or 5'5"


8. What is her favorite thing to do?


Mindie: You have lots of favorite things to do.  Like you like doing some crafts and you like playing games like MoO and you like baking.


Shannen: I'd say bake.


9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?



Mindie: Plays on the interwebz and talks to people on the interwebz and sometimes cleans and cooks.

Shannen: Hmm.  I do NOT know.



10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?


Mindie: Um. For a book or for acting or something.


Shannen: Acting cuz mommy's a really good actor.


11. What is your mom really good at? (I find Mindie's inclusion of "drawing" somewhat humorous.  I really suck at drawing)


Mindie: Acting and writing and drawing and cooking and watching scary movies with me when nobody else wants to because everybody else sucks.


Shannen: Acting, cooking, hm, oh yeah, she's also good at fixing computers.


12. What is your mom not very good at? (This is true.  I suck at DDR and Guitar Hero/Rock Band.  It takes me a LOOOONG time to build the muscle memory involved in rhythmic actions)


Mindie: Playing Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero.


Shannen: Um, huh, I do not know. Oh yeah.  Sometimes she's not really good at video games.


13. What does your mom do for a job?


Mindie: You don't really have a job.  You like stay at home and you cook and stuff.  You like to cook.


Shannen: Plays on the internet and cooks and cleans.  


14.What is your mom’s favorite food? (I don't have a favorite food.  I just like food.)


Mindie: I don't know what your favorite food is but I know that you like red velvet cake and you like bloody meat.


Shannen: Unknown
 
15. What makes you proud of your mom? (Again Mindie sees something in me that I completely don't see in myself.  Most people don't think I'm a terribly positive person.  Also Shannen's meat thing cracked me up.)


Mindie: You don't think this very much but I think you're very positive.  And you don't embarrass us in public.  Even though you try to, really.  Like sometimes you do things that are really embarrassing but when you know it's important you don't do things that are embarrassing.


Shannen: Hm, like I said, her acting is really good and she's really good at fixing computers.  And she cooks lots of good meat.  Gooooood meat.  Mmmmmm.


16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? (I can see an argument to be made for Garfield - fat, lazy, and kind of snarky.  Also, I would kill to LOOK like Naga from Slayers.)


Mindie: I don't know.  She would be like the funny spontaneous one that didn't really know that they were funny and maybe a little bit stupid.  Kind of like Naga from Slayers.


Shannen: It would be really rude.  (after reassurance) Garfield.


17. What do you and your mom do together?


Mindie: We bake and cook and do crafts and watch movies and talk.


Shannen: We play games, we talk, we go to the store together occasionally.  


18. How are you and your mom the same?


Mindie: Random.  And we both are creative and like to watch scary movies and, and we both like animals a lot.


Shannen: We both like acting and cooking.  And...no, I think that's it.


19. How are you and your mom different? (Note: if only Shannen knew that "clean" is not my natural state.  I'm clean because it keeps the hubs happy - Shan's room is like 1000% cleaner than mine EVER was growing up)


Mindie: I don't like to cook and bake as much as her.  


Shannen: Mom is cleaner than I am.


20. How do you know your mom loves you? (OK, I don't know what the "kicked me out" thing is.  But I take full responsibility for the gypsy one.  In jest I tell them sometimes that if they don't settle down I can still sell them to the gypsies.  It's become a running joke.)


Mindie: Because she hasn't kicked me out yet.


Shannen: Cuz she tells me every day.  Plus she hasn't kicked me out of the house yet or sold me to gypsies.


21. What does your mom like most about your dad? (Both wrong, but I can see why they wouldn't get the "real" answer.  He's just - a good compliment to me.  We're a classic "opposites attract" deal.  I'm impulsive, he's methodical.  I'm intuitive, he's critical.  I love the way he tempers the worst of me and brings out the best of me. )


Mindie: Because, duh, buh, um, like she said she trained him to be a beard man because she likes beards.  And like they share a lot of the same interests like they play a lot of the same video games and they are both interwebz masters.


Shannen: Lots of things.  I do not know of a favorite.


22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? (I don't know that I have a favorite place to go.  Maybe "home" is my favorite place.)


Mindie: I don't know.  Like her happy place is like on a balcony overlooking the beach.


Shannen: Um.  I don't know her favorite place to go.  Where is it, by the way?  I have a feeling that it might be Hobby Lobby, but I just don't know.